Off The Cuff - With 2oldNOLAchicks
We're Jill and Caroline. We tackle a new topic with every episode, and it's always... off the cuff! We never know until we begin recording what our topic will be, but with age comes wisdom, so we feel we have a lot to say! We hope you come along with us on this journey and we're confident you'll find us relatable!
Off The Cuff - With 2oldNOLAchicks
Secrets To Great Husbands with 2oldNOLAchicks
Can a single dance move save a marriage? Join us as we uncover what truly makes a great husband, diving deep into our own marriages to share stories of friendship, trust, and leadership. Caroline opens up about her husband Jeff's incredible leadership and its impact on their relationship, while I talk about Joey's unwavering support through the ups and downs of my dynamic life. Tune in to hear how communication and aligning life goals can build a strong, harmonious relationship.
In our discussion on modern relationship expectations, we address how societal norms have shifted, empowering women to reject unhealthy relationships. No longer trapped, women today can identify red flags and pursue relationships filled with joy and shared interests. We share personal anecdotes about using humor and patience to resolve conflicts, even something as simple as dancing, to highlight the importance of finding joy and compatibility with your partner.
To wrap things up, we focus on the art of nurturing love in marriage. Balancing personal responsibilities and maintaining clear communication, even during exhausting times, is fundamental to a successful partnership. We emphasize the reciprocal nature of marital support and how mutual respect and shared goals can strengthen a relationship. With a mix of personal stories and practical advice, we hope to inspire couples to grow together and build a resilient, loving partnership. Don't miss our unpredictable chat at the end, where we reflect on our conversation and express excitement for future episodes.
Email us at 2oldnolachicks@gmail.com
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Hi, welcome to the show. I'm Carolyn and I'm Jill, and we are Two Alnola Chicks and, as usual, this is Off the Cuff are two Enola chicks and, as usual, this is off the cuff. So, just as a little reminder, off the cuff means that we literally pick the topic right now. We have no idea what it's going to be until we pick out of a little bag with all these topics that both of us came up with. Of course, we don't just take stuff. So, yeah, I'm going to go ahead and pick. That's all right, do it. Okay. Can you read it? What makes a great hashtag?
Speaker 2:Husband.
Speaker 1:That's a good one. What makes a great hashtag? Like, I don't know what makes a great husband? Okay, that's a big word. Yeah, word, yeah. Well, we both have good husbands. I think that that's something I deal with my children all the time, on relationships we have. We're going on our fifth wedding that we're planning this year for my daughter and the other ones. We have three still left. So, yeah, it's a lot of ways, yeah, and the reason why it's three and I have seven children is because one actually is going to a divorce, okay, and so the whole thing with husbands or wives is just really difficult. I think that we go into something and then sometimes it doesn't work because you just grow apart, or maybe you I see this constantly because it's the industry I'm in, you know, so you don't always pick right, right, I feel like I did, but yeah, me too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think a great husband is number one. You need to be a great friend and a great leader. I mean, I looked in Jeff, not that I'm incapable and weren't in my life, but because I am married, you know, I look to him as he's my leader and I trust him and I think there has to be that. I mean there has to be trust. I don't know, jeff is like a warrior, you know. So I think those are important things. I think being able to have that leadership as a husband is super important.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that ever since the day that I met Joey, he's really been a pillar for me. He really because quite insane, and so I'm always on to some kind of new thing or new job or whatever, and he really has always held me up and I guess it's kind of the same thing you're saying. It just looks a little different, but he's very strong in his support of me, I'm very strong in my support of him and I think the interaction of the wife, the woman, is also what makes a good husband. Yeah, for sure, because if you go into constantly putting them down constantly, nothing's ever good enough. You know, before you marry someone, basically if you're with them for a little bit of time, you know what kind of job you're either planning for or want in their life.
Speaker 1:I hope that you would ask them what are you looking for in life? Do you want children? It's an important thing. Do you want children? Do you not want children? And where do you want to live? How do you want to live? You know, if you're somebody who the only thing that you thought about your whole life is getting married, having two children, raising those children, having a nice home, or two if you move out of the starter home and then retiring. But the person you're marrying doesn't want children. They want to travel, don't like working too much, don't really want you know a lot of ties. Then you're marrying the wrong person. Definitely you have to be on the same page. Well, that's the way. Communication.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you can't communicate with the person you're going to marry. There's a problem right there. Right, I know Jeff and I, so we met on Christian Mingle. We were actually a zero match on a website, which is funny because we're a lot different but we're also a lot alike.
Speaker 2:But he's and I think it's really important what you said about the spouse so the wife has to plays a big role in having a good husband and, you know, in the same way, it's like I feel like I'm very supportive of him and he's done a lot of different things too. He's always moved on to a new thing and I'm always supportive of that and I think it's cool that he's. You know, he has the, the ambition and the gumption to do that, but he's also very supportive of me, I think with jeff too. When I look back on the last 18 years of being married to him, man, I learned so much from him, things he probably doesn't even realize I've learned from him. I know that if I hadn't married him, I wouldn't be the person I am right now. That's for sure. He's done a lot to kind of help me then navigate the last 18 years and how to help guide me and lead me in the right direction, which for me is super important.
Speaker 2:It's kind of funny because it's like sometimes I wonder what would I be doing if I never met him. Would I be married, would I not? What would I be doing if I never met him? Would I be married, would I not? What would I be doing Right, and I think my life would look a lot different.
Speaker 1:I always tell my kids the ones that aren't married and are still like searching for their someone and I tell them look, somebody's looking for you. They're looking for you At night. They're saying their prayers and saying please send me somebody good, and they're looking for you. If you're always looking behind you or you're looking at people that aren't going to work but you keep trying to make it work, you're not going to see the person that's trying to find you, and sometimes they're like a bright light, it's me, it's me. And maybe they passed you in a grocery store and you didn't see them. Or maybe they were at the same party and you didn't see them. Maybe they're just walking their dog and you don't see them Because you're so focused on what was past or present and not working. You're not seeing the person that would be perfect for you, and so I think that you have to find a person and then be honest with yourself, of saying more than just appearance, although it's important. You have to be to me, physically attracted to somebody, and what you're physically attracted to somebody else might not be, but it's not the whole picture, because people age, people gain weight, people lose weight, so you have to look for things like what do they want in their future? Not necessarily what job do they have, but do they have a job and does that matter to you? Because maybe you're a person that's like I want to find a husband who wants to stay home with the kids because I don't want to stay home with the kids, so I'm going to husband that wants to do that and fully support my career, but they'll be with the children. And there are women out there and I support all women. However, they want to define what works for them. I don't think as women, we should put each other down for any of the choices. But most women that I know who has a husband who maybe hasn't worked in a while are not happy with that. They're not happy with that. They're not happy with that choice of he's staying at home right now. But I've also known people who, yes, that works for them. I think that this is a whole different world than it used to be.
Speaker 1:Even from the 19 post-World War II women and I'm saying post-World War II because if you think about like that time between 19, early 1900s and then World War I and then World War II women were always working. They were either at their farms working. They were working for the government during the wars, during the Great Depression. Women worked all the time because they were just trying to feed their family, to help their husbands feed their family. But then, after World War II, there was this whole leave it to beaver community that the women stayed home and the men worked. Community that the woman stayed home and the men worked, and that's how it was. So move all the way up here to 2024. And some people still choose that's. That's how I want to do it. The wife stays home and husband works. One of my sons actually does that and that works for them. But at least you have the social choice to do that right. And so what makes a great husband for you may not make a great husband for me.
Speaker 2:Well, absolutely definitely it's funny what you said, that you tell your kid. You know that that person out there wait a moment, you're right, I was, I don't know late 20s, maybe I remember it was Sally Jessie Raphael. Remember that show? She had some guy on her. I don't remember who he was, I just remember he was cute.
Speaker 2:He came out with this t-shirt on, with the sleeves cut off. He had tattoos. He looked really tough, but he was like a big teddy bear. I remember if I ever get married, that's what I want A guy just like that. And that's what I got. Yeah, funny enough, but it's funny that he didn't start out that way. When I first met Jeff, he was at my house. He was a truck driver, blonde haul, and he'd come to visit and he was helping me cut the grass and he had on this polo shirt and I said, well, why don't you like put a t-shirt or cut the sleeves off because it was no summer or something? He's like I don't do that, you're cut sleeves off t-shirts. And now he wears his t-shirts with sleeves, yeah, and he's covered in tattoos. And he wasn't when I met him, right, but I was.
Speaker 1:But it's funny that, like, that's the guy that I got he's perfect, you know, for me but um, well, what makes a great husband is also a husband who I don't want to say conforms to what you like, because to me clothing and hairstyles and stuff like that it's simple things, but same I'm like. My husband was definitely the opposite. He was a t-shirt guy in jeans and, like our first date was at Pizza Hut you know what I mean and that was really really nice restaurant for him. And so if you look at him today, he wears collar shirts and, you know, has dress pants and we go to nice restaurants occasionally and that kind of thing, and that was just unheard of when we first met. But he does all those things because he knows I like to do those things Because he's still really fine with Taco Bell. If we ate that every day, he'd be really fine with that and I like Taco Bell too. But I don't want it like, ok, it's date night, where are we going? Right, I don't want to go there. So I feel like as a wife, I try to do the things he likes and he tries to do the things I like and it works. It works for us.
Speaker 1:I don't think women anymore feel like they have to stay in a relationship because of societal norms. I think they have some outs and I do believe that it had become a point in that time where women only were expected to stay at home and men worked and women were having let me put it in quotes, air quotes nervous breakdowns and the doctors were giving them thallium to shut them up. And to me, maybe they just need a little side job. You know what I mean. Maybe they need a little hussles. You know something? They didn't need to be medicated with Valium and then if they got two out of hand, you know, their husbands could put them in an insane asylum for the rest of their lives and he could sign them into it, divorce her and marry somebody else and leave her in there, and so those things don't have to be anymore. Women have choices.
Speaker 1:And Joey said a long time ago he said, you know, somebody at work was saying I'm good to my wife, you know I don't hit her and I don't curse her out. And Joey says I looked at him like man, you don't get a trophy for that. I'm supposed to hit her, you're not supposed to curse her out, exactly, you know. So that still very much exists and I've still heard that from people before. Well, I mean, they're good to me. They put a roof over my head. That's not enough, no, no, you deserve more than that. So hopefully, we're moving into, hopefully, a place that's better than that. But from what my children tell me, dating is just harder than ever. I wouldn't want to date.
Speaker 2:I know Again, at this point I really wouldn't, but I think, yeah, you know. I mean essentially, I mean you want a husband who, you know, like he said, well, I don't hit her. Well, that's great. But I don't want a husband that's even going to think about hitting me, right, it's like you don't, you don't have to settle for, oh well, he doesn't hit me and he doesn't curse me out. You want somebody who, like you're their their world. Yeah, and saying that you know, you also don't want somebody who their world revolves around you. You want them to have their own world, too, that you support, yeah, and care about and show interest in. And I think I don't know. I mean, I think a lot of people do settle.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't want to do that. I wouldn't want to. I haven't been in that position. I have a couple of friends who have either been widowed or divorced and for some reason have fallen into situations. They've met men who are married still, and almost immediately I knew and I said, hey, are they married? Because this sounds a little strange here. No, no, no, they're not married. No, no way, because you deserve better than that. You don't need to be somebody's side hustle, even if you are our age and you're lonely. You don't deserve that. So again, to me that's a bad husband, to whoever is married to them, most definitely, who thinks not only that they can get better than you, but they're out there trying to find it. And if you, if you?
Speaker 2:get together with somebody who's cheating on their wife. They're going to cheat on you too. Yeah, most likely for sure. That's not who you want to be with, yeah, but I think you also want somebody that's fun and somebody that enjoys doing the same things that you do. It's funny because jeff and I were like hooked on ray's academy right now, and so two of the characters in the early stages of the show, when they were going through hard times, they would dance it out. So he put some music on. They would just dance right and then they feel better.
Speaker 2:So this morning, jeff and I were on just on the verge of a fight and, uh, he's like I don't want to fight, I'm like we're already there, and I said let's dance it out, oh my gosh. So he's like ha ha. And I'm like, oh, come on, come on, we're going to dance to that. So I put Pandora on and put some 80s music on and we danced to that and by the time we finished, it was only we only did it for a minute. Yeah, and we were in such a good mood. Yeah, like whatever we were fighting about wasn't even an issue. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think the dogs probably thought you were insane. Oh, they love it.
Speaker 2:Harvey wants to dance too, but I think you have to be with somebody that's like you're compatible.
Speaker 1:They can be silly.
Speaker 2:They can be your silliness, exactly yeah, jeff and I are we're both very goofy, I think on different levels, but there's a definite goofy silly in this there, which I think is important in any marriage. Anyway, you have to be able to be silly.
Speaker 1:I think that patience is really very important. You know we've discussed, you know we're different, because I have seven children and you have some stepchildren, but you don't have. And you have puppies, of course, of course. But a lot of times, like Joey is like in line and I'll you know we'll be going to bed at night or whatever, and I'll be like sorry, you're going to have to get back in line, like I'm just like I'm so exhausted I can't even talk to him. He's like, hey, we're going to tell you about this or whatever went on at work and I'm just like you know what I'm like so aggravated right now I can't even listen. But he's very patient because he has an understanding that we have a lot of people that need me and also need him, because a lot of times they're calling him for different stuff too, sure, but it takes somebody with patience that knows that at the end of that line that I still he believes wholeheartedly and knows that I love him dearly for my whole life, forever, and he never has to doubt that Right, just because somebody else beat him to me.
Speaker 1:And so we have tried we were trying before COVID to just kind of go out of town every once in a while, because our youngest is now 16, almost 17. So, and we still have a couple of older kids who live with us too. So it's like there's no reason why we can't just go on a weekend trip. And we were going to try to do that after we had sold our business a few years ago, but then hello COVID, we were in everything for us, and so we did just take our little trip to go see Will and Nelson not too long ago. And it's difficult for me to do that. It really is because I'm a workaholic and so it's hard for me just to like, okay, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna have fun, but it's something he wants to do, so it's I want to, I want to go too. It's just harder for me to go to break my routine and then go and do something different.
Speaker 1:But it's definitely at different times in your marriage, at different times in your life are going to be different needs that you have. Sure, when the kids are little like, look, it's just like you and me, babe, we've got to survive this. And then at some point you have, and like, the big, gigantic bills are kind of over with, and then you know you got to shift into that next kind of thing. Okay, well, maybe we can go and take a couple of days and go see a concert or go see something. I'm not saying we're to the stage of the two weeks in Europe yet, because I'm definitely not there, but we do things our own way and I think that's important for couples. Like to do your own system. Don't worry about what your, your friend and your sister and your mama did. You're gonna like find what works for the two of you definitely.
Speaker 2:I don't know for Jeff and I, you know, it's like y'all like to go out of town and do things like that, like our favorite thing to do is when we're both off is just be home. Be home with the dogs hanging out yeah, like we love that, yeah no bodies and no.
Speaker 2:But I think one of the things you just said you were talking about telling joey that you know you love him and you love him forever, and all that means you to use you a whole heart.
Speaker 2:And I think it's important too to help your husband be a great husband or any husband, not your husband, but any husband is to remind them of that, because I think anybody whether it's you or me, or Joey or Jeff or anybody we can all get those thoughts in our head like, well, maybe they don't really love me as much as I think they love me, or as much as I think they love me, or as much as I want them to love me. So you have to. I think it's important to remind the husband that, hey, yeah, I do, I love you, and show them like, however they need to be, whatever makes them feel loved, whether it's support or patience or whatever it might be, and just remind them hey, I love you with my whole heart and that's not going to change, no matter what's going on. And I think that not even just the husband, but the wife too, that's going to help anybody be a better person.
Speaker 1:Well, I think a wife can help a husband become a great husband. Definitely, definitely, Absolutely. They're looking for the guidance, and if they're not, and they think they're perfect already, then maybe that shouldn't be the person Right the with. But we all make mistakes, so I'm not judging that, but sometimes it's just like you know in your heart oh yikes, this wasn't a match. I think it's easier these days to kind of admit that and then move on with your life, but I know that a lot of people are still married to people they shouldn't be with.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, and so, whether it's we say what makes a great husband, what makes a great wife, if you're a husband listening right now, then yeah, maybe your wife isn't supportive, loving, patient, caring. It kind of goes both ways. We just say husband because we're the wives. But it goes the opposite way too, and I've seen women who are quite verbally abusive to their husband, some physically, and okay, nobody's supposed to be there. If that's how you have to be with this person, then maybe that's not your person, right? That's how you have to be with this person, then maybe that's not your person, right, exactly Because you don't want to put anybody down like that.
Speaker 2:And I think men especially, everybody wants to be respected, but I think men especially, and husbands, they want to be respected by their wives. I think that's a big way to show your husband that you care about them and that you love them is by respecting them, and I think there's probably a big lack of respect in a lot of marriages. You know what I mean, yeah, and I mean I know for sure. I mean I respect jump and I think you know I hope he knows that you're listening I respect you I don't always respect Joey.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, you know I get mad at him and so I was like I love you Like a little girl, I don't care, I don't care. I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day, I don't do that as much, but I did, I did a lot of that when we were first married, right? So he knows that that's not true, but I just get him a little and I think that's okay too. Yeah, well, we're all here, yeah, we all react to things. It just gets overwhelming with jobs and outside forces and that kind of thing. So definitely not a perfect wife, for sure. But Joey's people tell me he's kind of perfect. So I guess people are right. I don't like to tell him that because you know that exactly. I mean, I don't know, I don't know he's nice to me and he puts up with a lot.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, so does jeff, he's good yeah, so does jeff, and I've put up a lot with him sometimes, you know, yeah, I mean we all do, yeah, but I think at least in in our relationship me and jeff, I think it's support is one of the biggest things, like, like, I know he's got my back and I have his back. I mean, granted, there have been times where I didn't have his back like we maybe should have. Yeah, and, as you said, we're all here, right, but he's a great guy.
Speaker 1:You have to look at the the big part. So, to recap on what we think makes a great husband right, one is somebody who has those same goals, or big out the outline it's not like detail goals, the outline of the goals. So, yes, they also would like to not have children and travel all the time, right, wow, I have found my soulmate. This is exactly who I need to be with, okay. Or they want to have a house and kids and da, da, da, okay, wow, I found my soulmate Right. So they have to have that. They have to have patience. They don't get gold stars for not being abusive. It's not a gold star. That doesn't make you good. You don't get a little blue ribbon for that.
Speaker 2:And just to be supportive and I think too, all of that and I think too, is maybe encompassed in some of what you said for us to be an example for them. You know what I mean, because I'm sure it's the same with you. And joey jeff has told me many times, just like I've told him, he's learned a lot from me over the years and I've seen, I've seen that like I see, the change in the near over the years that see, he says he got just from watching me. I don't know it's the same, but I think. I think I think it's good, yeah, with y'all, but I think it's good. Yeah, we learn from each other. Yeah, I think, if you're nobody's perfect, right, but people can change, and I think we can be examples for each other.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I believe that I really do, which makes us all better.
Speaker 1:Yes, so it's been a great conversation it has, and we're going to stop this one and hope you'll join us for our next one, which we have no idea what that's going to be we have no clue, but we hope that you'll listen. Yeah, so I'm Jill and I'm Carol, and this is Two Unknowable Chicks and we're off the cuff. That's right. So thank you so much and hope you join us next time. Bye-bye.