Off The Cuff - With 2oldNOLAchicks
We're Jill and Caroline. We tackle a new topic with every episode, and it's always... off the cuff! We never know until we begin recording what our topic will be, but with age comes wisdom, so we feel we have a lot to say! We hope you come along with us on this journey and we're confident you'll find us relatable!
Off The Cuff - With 2oldNOLAchicks
Finding Joy Amid Life's Challenges with 2oldNOLAchicks
Have you ever wondered if joy and happiness are truly the same? In this episode, we unpack the nuanced differences between these two emotions, sharing personal stories that highlight how joy can often shine through even the darkest times. From reflections on faith and relationships to moments of personal fulfillment, we explore the enduring sources of joy that transcend everyday happiness. Join us as we recount our own experiences and stress the importance of cherishing joyful moments amid life's inevitable challenges.
Social media often paints a picture-perfect life, but how real is it? We dive into the impact of online comparisons on our self-perception and joy, discussing the often unrealistic portrayals by influencers. Through a touching story of empathy from the Great Depression, we emphasize the shift in social consciousness and the need for a more balanced, transparent approach to sharing our lives online. Let's reframe our online interactions to foster a more compassionate and realistic digital world.
The journey of emotional healing and the power of genuine connections takes center stage in the final segments. Simple gestures like a text message can maintain bonds and offer comfort during tough times. We share anecdotes about the importance of being persistent and thoughtful in our communication to nurture relationships. Lastly, we inspire you with stories of individuals who found joy by making significant life changes, advocating for the courage to pursue what genuinely brings happiness. Celebrate with us the beautiful complexity of joy and its profound impact on our lives.
Email us at 2oldnolachicks@gmail.com
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Hi and welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:I'm Caroline and I'm Jill and this is Two Old Nola Chicks.
Speaker 1:And, as usual, this is Off the Cuff. Why do we call it Off the Cuff again?
Speaker 2:We'll see in a moment because I'm so old we call it that because we don't know what we're talking about. Until like right now, we put all of these topics into a bag like probably five weeks ago, because that's how long we've been trying to figure out the equipment to do this.
Speaker 1:Because we're old.
Speaker 2:And not computer savvy. So, yeah, anyway. So what we're going to do is we are going to pick a name well, not a name a topic and then it's off. It's literally off the cuff. So you know, when you get together with like a girlfriend or something and all of a sudden you start talking on topics and it's three hours later you've talked about a million things. You never have to plan it, you don't have to write it out, you don't have to have a script, it's just all off the cuff because it's a girlfriend's meeting, and so that's what we're doing exactly.
Speaker 2:Yep, so I'm gonna have caroline pick a topic. All right, let's see, probably pick a hard one. What do we?
Speaker 1:got Joy, okay, joy. The topic is joy Okay To the world.
Speaker 2:That's it. What To the world?
Speaker 1:Joy to the world. You know, joy is an interesting thing, because you can be happy but not joyful, I think. What do you feel like?
Speaker 2:joy is. I think there's happiness if somebody says, okay, you're a happy person, but, like you just said, there's joyful points, so to speak, and you can think of those times that like, wow, I really felt great at that moment and that made me feel joy, whether it was something that happened in your personal life or in work or something like that. And I mean, I have, I have both. So I think it's good when you have not felt joy in your life and then you appreciate it so much more. So in our society today, so many people don't seem to be experiencing those like just pure and simple joyful moments.
Speaker 1:Right, I mean for me, you know, it's like if I think about what, what brings me joy, when I'm home and Jeff and I are sitting on the sofa with the dogs watching you know Grey's Anatomy and we're not even talking, we're just all there. Like that brings me joy. I think happiness, I don't know. It's like what's the difference between happiness and joy? Like I feel like happiness is particular things Like how do I put it into words? This makes me happier, that makes me happy.
Speaker 1:But do you have joy all the time? Like you can have joy in the dark moments too. I feel like, because for me, my joy and I know this isn't everybody, but my personal experience is that my joy comes from Jesus, right, and so when I'm in the trials and the tribulation and the things that I don't really want to be in and don't want to have to deal with, like I can still find joy because I know that there's hope and I know there's light at the end of those tunnels. But I think joy is so much more than just being happy, because a lot of things, like money, can make people happy. Oh, I bought a new car, I'm happy, but is that really joy?
Speaker 2:Like I said, I think it's like joyful points. I think when you look back in your life, when I look back in my life, I see like joyful points, that an unjoyful. Like I said, I think that you have to experience unjoy, that's not a word to know. Wow, this feels really good, this is a really great thing. And I think in order to really live life to its fullest, then you have to experience both.
Speaker 2:You can't be happy all the time, you can't be joyful all the time. So when it comes your way, you recognize it, you're like, wow, that's really good and I want more of that, and you explore that road, even though that road still is going to have unjoyful moments in it. You just can't see it. So, like you can say, well, I'm happy with my job Now, I'm happy with my family or my relationship, but it doesn't mean that it's all joyful moments, and I think that's what life is. That's what life is. You just live it the best that you can, and then you try to find ways to survive it. And so I can think of times in my life that I wasn't happy or joyful and it just went through. I've had my fair share of really some rough, rough years, whether it been financially or just loneliness, sadness, that kind of thing, and I had to try to find joyful moments. So, like last week, we spoke about music and how music can bring you to a more peaceful level, and so I think that those were joyful moments. But then for a long time in my life, music didn't work for me anymore. It brought me sadness, it reminded me of things that I didn't want to think of, and so I had to block that out and I had to replace that with other things. And of course, you know I have seven children, so of course, yes, my children are, have joyful moments.
Speaker 2:And FYI for anybody who doesn't have kids or hasn't had kids yet there's a lot of unjoyful moments too, because you just want to kill those little suckers. I mean, it's not all bliss and happiness, I'm sure everyone knows, but you have to find points of it. So, whether it be, I remember when I owned my venue, one of my businesses, and it was really one of the most stressful things I've ever done, but it is what brought longevity as far as like business success to my family, longevity as far as like business success to my family, and so we did it, we all did it together, and so I used to have to have like breaks in my head. So I'd have breaks with like different people. I might like, on a Friday night or something, if we were off, go out to dinner with my husband, which we still do, and those are like joyful moments. On Tuesday nights I'd work late and of course I'm like driving home at eight o'clock at night saying why am I doing this?
Speaker 1:It's eight o'clock at night.
Speaker 2:Everybody else is already in front of the TV and I'm still working. So my son, Sean, and I would like sit there and watch different shows. So we had these shows on Tuesday nights that we really loved. So I knew that I was going to go home and experience that and so that those joyful moments took away the unjoyful moments. That balance kind of like you said Exactly.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I feel like a lot of people they don't experience enough joy and I don't know, I don't know why, but I think people allow the unjoyful moments a lot of times to dominate. You have to it's like with the TV shows something that simple watching TV shows with your son Right, you have to find those moments that are going to bring you joy and bring you happiness. Right, Just take you away. Yeah, exactly Right. Can't it just take you away? Yeah, exactly, no matter how simple it is. You know, I mean, if you like, laying on the ground and looking at the stars at night, I mean that can bring you joy. But I think people need to. They need to find those things that bring them joy and focus on those things and focus on the good stuff, especially nowadays. And I don't know why it is, I don't know if it's the overwhelming technology or the instant gratification that we have nowadays, but I think people, they just don't have as much joy.
Speaker 2:I think because this is my theory anyway the joy is stolen and you don't even know it's coming. So I think I've given you this example before, but it's worth repeating. A few years back, I was on Facebook because I didn't Insta yet. And so I'm on Facebook and I see one of my daughter's friends. She had graduated from college, so joyful, and, even more than that, she was so excited because she got this good job and she was able to go to the Chevrolet dealership and she got this little red car. So she puts a picture of her little red car online and she's like I'm so proud of myself. It was so hard to get through, but I did it and I have my little red car. And so there we go.
Speaker 2:I hear the comments Wow, that's great, I'm so proud of you. Congratulations, you got this. It wasn't a thing kind of thing because, I promise you, it was like the lowest line that you could get, but it was a brand new little precious record. And she answered somebody and said I know this. Just, you know it shouldn't make me so happy, but every time I'm going to look at it I'm going to feel like, wow, I did that. And then the 37th comment comes no, and it's a picture of a blue mercedes. Oh, you're kidding. And so somebody says I know how you feel because when I graduated from college my dad got me this blue mercedes and I'm so proud of, and it really shows like hard work pays off.
Speaker 2:And then the comments stopped oh no, and it was like I don't. I didn't know the girl who posted the Mercedes picture and I don't think when she posted it she was really thinking that through, like I am about to like steal this joy and gratification from this girl. And then it made the audience, which is us on Facebook, then look bad upon her right Because daddy bought her a car. She didn't work for that. So it's like this is not a win. This isn't a win situation Because you know, most of the time you see it and it's like this is not a win. This isn't a win situation because you know, most of the time you see it and it's like congratulations, that's great. But it just takes one and I'll call it what it is stupid comment. Just wasn't thinking, put it on there. But then again it's like let's disregard that her dad bought it for her and she didn't buy herself a brand new $100,000 Mercedes. Let's just think about that. Okay, we'll say, wow, look at me, I got this little red car. And then somebody trumps that Right, and I see that all the time. And I'm just going to say this, caroline, because you know, I love me some, caroline.
Speaker 2:Okay, I think sometimes people, you know people somebody will say, okay, I mean this is another thing again, facebook kind of thing. And somebody was feeling like really down, I'm like, girl, we're here for you, we're an army, we're here for you, we're an army. And then somebody right under mine, a friend of mine, said, jill, you're not the army, jesus is the army, not you. And I was like, why are you using Jesus as a baseball bat? Why did you just hit me like that? Like it was just being kind to a friend? Yeah, you know what I mean. So, like everybody's faith is within them, everyone's faith is unique, but I don't believe in like okay, then using it like that, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, she, she took away. You know you were being kind. Yeah, it's almost like she just took that kindness away, right.
Speaker 2:Trying to like. I was trying to spark joy in that person, like it's okay, we are here for you. In that case, she had lost her husband and so it was like we're the army girl. You need to call us whatever you have to do.
Speaker 1:Know people need to know that they have people, yeah, there are people out there who care about them, who want to help them, and they're their army. Yeah, people need that, and I'm not saying that people don't need Jesus, because I know I do, sure, but I also need people, Right.
Speaker 2:And peaceful people Right.
Speaker 1:Exactly, and I think I understand what that person was doing. But they kind of took away what you were doing.
Speaker 2:Right, and then the comments stopped. Yeah, exactly. So the army kind of dissipated because they didn't want her to come after them. Yeah, so did that really bring joy to my friend who had lost her husband? Any spark of joy? No, it just kind of took it away. Friend who had lost her husband, any spark of joy any? No, it just kind of took it away.
Speaker 2:So, saying what we were talking about, like just social media and its relationship to joy, just make sure when you're posting something that you, you put some thought into it before you post it. And we all make mistakes and I do too, and I've learned, you know, in these later years mistakes and I do too. And I've learned, you know, in these later years, when someone even if I feel like I didn't mean it that way, I always apologize, whether it's in writing or verbal, call them or whatever, and I'll say I apologize so much for the miscommunication. I wouldn't want to hurt you, right, because I don't want to steal someone's joy, right, I want them to feel like because the world's hard enough, so I don't want to take that from them. And I think I come from a place that you know knows many years of of not being able to say, okay, I was happy or like blissfully joyful or whatever. And I don't think that's a long lasting thing, like I don't.
Speaker 1:I think you can have moments of joy, but not joyful all the time. Yeah, I mean yeah, absolutely, when people go through rough patches, it's just part of life. Talking about that, I think social media social media has got a lot of good things about it. But I feel like, just like with the car, you could have somebody who just bought a new house, their first house, and they're so proud of that house and it's a simple house. It's maybe a small house, but it's their house, yeah, and they love it. And they go online and they see a bigger and better house and it's kind of like a bigger and better house and it's kind of like, oh, it kind of makes my house look not so great. And so I feel like not to mention, I think with social media, there's a lot of lying that goes on in social media, especially like these, you know, quote, unquote, influencers and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:I mean you think about it. They set up a camera to like, you know, oh, follow me for a day in my life. You're preparing yourself for this. Like, how was that? Like, if I, if you, followed me in a day of my life, you would see some pretty bad stuff. I mean, you know getting up in the morning and taking care of the dogs and some of these people. They wake up and they have makeup on Right. How is that possible?
Speaker 2:I mean, you know getting up in the morning and taking care of the dogs. Some of these people, they wake up and they have makeup on, right, how is that possible, right? Nor do I think it's what people want to see. It's kind of like us, we're like okay. Why are you calling it Too Old, nolichick? We put old in the name, not because we really think we are. It's really sarcastic to me because I'm 60 and Caroline's 56. We put it in there because it's like okay, then we're old. So what are you going to do?
Speaker 2:It is something that you can never do anything about. And all the people who are out there, they're like well, I'm not joyful anymore because I'm not 26. Right, god knows, I don't want to go back to 26. Oh, my goodness gracious, but it's. You have to be joyful or happy wherever you are and you have to land there. And it's not that I'm like happy all the time, but, my goodness, because of just wisdom and things that I've gone through in my life, I think that I'm more joyful than I was when I wasn't 60. Right, I think I'm more joyful than I was at 50. Yeah, I know I am, and you know everybody talks about, oh, you know, when you get into your 50s and menopause and all this other craziness and it's kind of like no, actually this is pretty great over here. I really like it.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't have a problem. Maybe it's just my attitude, but I'm like I'm not seeing it, Not seeing it.
Speaker 1:I don't have a problem being in my 50s I don't but I feel like social media. It can either spark joy or it can take away. Yeah, I don't want to be one of the people that takes away, right, I want to be a giver of joy and encourage people, and people need that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, my mother was 93 when she passed away three years ago almost four years ago and one day we were talking about social media and just things, how they are, and I don't know why she brought up this story, but here in New Orleans there's a main street downtown and it's called Canal Street because there used to be a canal running through it, and so that's what all the shopping was. My mom was growing up, she was a World War II child and so all the shops were there and they had DH homes and they had DH homes. So we were talking about DH homes because my grandmother used to take us to DH homes for lunch. I say used to take us. I can remember one time, okay, because she Rabbit special, which I can't even remember what that was, but I've never forgotten it. The second was is that they had blinds on all the windows and the restaurant was kind of dark. So my mom and I were talking about that because she was telling me about how she used to go shopping on Canal Street, walking up and down. I said, yeah, I remember that. I said I remember DH Holmes and eating with Grandma.
Speaker 2:I said, but it was so dark in there and she said well, you know why that was. I said no, is there a reason? Why would it be dark? They didn't want to see the sun, you know.
Speaker 2:And she says no, you know, during the great depression, people didn't have anything to eat. A lot of people didn't have anything to eat, and so it was not only impolite, it was cruel to have people sitting at tables near the window and you were eating and they weren't. And I was like, goodness gracious, that says so much. That's huge, isn't that huge? And now it's like I mean, yes, of course my mom went to restaurants and ate in public, but I mean, I really I can't think of a time like that. We were in a mall and my mother would want to sit down in the mall and eat something, and I think, wow, I mean that's so considerate and kind. And so I think that not only social media, but just our social system right now really kind of doesn't take into consideration, maybe, what somebody else is going through. They're unjoyful moments even when the moment is joyful for us, and I think we need to be more aware of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's good, that's really good.
Speaker 2:Wow, it's something to consider. So it's kind of like I'm not saying to put your blinds down when something really great happens, because that's not fair. That's not fair either. But going back to social media, if you're only posting the joyful moments, then it's like okay, maybe every once in a while you ought to share that you didn't have such a good day, because maybe somebody needs to hear that, yeah, and they need to see that they're not alone. And you know, I know people don't want to be seen that way.
Speaker 2:I don't post very much. I post like my children, and I guess some would say, well, you're posting that. And some people can't have children, and they're right, they're right. But I am very proud of my kids and they're not all perfect. I have a couple that really think they're perfect and we let them believe that. But, more than anything, all of my seven children believe they're only children. So we don't want to let them know. Like my youngest says to me, she goes why are they still here? Why do they live here? I'm your only little girl and I think that's good. They all think they're the only child. That's awesome.
Speaker 1:I hear what you're saying, though, jeff and I built our house six years ago. Wow, we didn't post all kinds of pictures about it because we felt weird, I don't know, we didn't. Yeah, we didn't want, like anybody, to feel bad. Yeah, you know, it's like, oh well, they'll build my house. Well, I can't do that. Yeah, we didn't want to hurt anybody, so we didn't like. I think we posted throughout the entire process, maybe two pictures. Yeah, because it just it felt wrong. Yeah, and I'm not saying that people shouldn't be able to post the joyful things in their lives, because obviously, yeah, they should. They should be able to do that and people should be able to be happy for them. Yeah, but there's always going to be that possibility that it is going to hurt somebody.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I think you're. I mean, I think if you're going to do social media, you do first of all, and it's just like a little business sideline. I don't think that when you have some kind of business, a small business especially, I don't believe in until you're finished with those clients that you should have clients like on social media. I just don't. I don't believe in until you're finished with those clients that you should have clients like on social media. I just don't. I don't think they should know about everything going on in your life. So that's just my personal opinion. I think it hurts your business. But anyway, that's something else. I agree with that. I agree with that. But my mom, like I said, she was 93 when she died and her and I were very close, lived across the street from each other. I mean, I moved there, tore down a house, rebuilt a house to be able to stay next door to her, because I told her when I was 12 years old that she could live in the house for her whole life and she did, she did, and so I would see other people posting things like my sweet little mom passed away and she's in a better place and we're all just so happy for her because now she's in heaven. And the day that my mom died, she died at four 30 in the morning and I was like I'm just not going on Facebook and putting this, and so I remember it was like 10 o'clock that night after she died and I put you know that night after she died and I put you know my mom died. Today my mama died and it was one of the saddest things I've ever written. I was like I don't.
Speaker 2:People say she lived a long happy life. I think it could have been better. People say you know she lived a long life, you should be happy about it, that she's in a better place. I'm like I'm not happy. Yeah, I'm not happy. Yeah, and I think that I had more people respond to that and understand than anything else that I have ever done on social media ever. And they were like we know just how you feel it's really okay.
Speaker 2:And I think I'm not saying you have to pour your life out, because I think some people like just they put too many sad things and people start becoming immune to it. You know they're like okay, here they go again, but every once in a while you need to just show your friends. If they're your friends and that's who they're supposed to be that you're not always having joyful moments, right, that you're a real person and you need them. That's why you have them as friends. So, and I think it builds relationships outside of Facebook.
Speaker 2:So, after I made that post, the lady who did her hair every Friday Denise, every Friday, at 10 o'clock in the morning, when it was supposed to be my mother's time to come get her hair done this lady texts me for a year. Wow, you know just, I'm thinking about you. What can I do? So sometimes I think when you show vulnerability towards happiness and joy and you say I'm not that joyful right now, I really need somebody, then you're telling people you know you're human, you need somebody exactly, but you got to tell them right Right, people aren't mind readers.
Speaker 1:No, you have to communicate.
Speaker 2:And so in that I think it's a wonderful tool if you need help, because before we had that, before we had any kind of social media, you might go through a really, really bad time in your life. Nobody knew about it. It may or may not have passed. It may have gone on for years. It took me a long time to recover after my mom died, but I do feel like I've recovered from it. I don't like to think about that time in my life. Obviously I always tear up over it, but I've healed pretty well from it. But I had a lot of people who reached out. But I think if you're like I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm always fine, I'm great. Look at this smile, look at this new dress I bought. It turns people off and they think you're joyful all the time and it's just not. It's not true.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not real. Speaking of real, thank you for being real just now. That was very cool, but this is real. I mean we're, we're real. We're two old Nolichicks and we're off the cuff and we're real, and I apologize for having to keep clearing my throat. This is real.
Speaker 2:I'd say I've got a new partner over it, but nobody else would do this with me.
Speaker 1:You're stuck, you're stuck, but hopefully this is the last week that I'm having this issue. Oh, you're a good girl.
Speaker 2:No worries.
Speaker 1:Jeff is in the same boat. Like every day, he's like when is this going to be gone?
Speaker 2:It's lingering for weeks. I think you do it for sympathy really.
Speaker 1:Maybe a little. Maybe Do you feel sorry for me? No, I really don't. There goes that, but no, do you feel sorry for me? No, I don't, I really don't. Okay, there goes that, but no, that's yeah, I totally agree with what you're saying. Yeah, you have to show vulnerability.
Speaker 2:Well, I think, when some of the wisdom that we are trying to bring to doing what we're doing here is to, for me, it's like to say okay, well, how can I make it easier for somebody coming after me? What word can I say? What story can I tell that might help you feel better or know that you're not alone, right, and so we could have come on here practiced and you write out three joyful stories. And I'll write out three joyful stories and be like it's going to be okay, we've lived through it and stuff like that, and sometimes, okay, it takes a while, and that's exactly what we're talking about, right?
Speaker 1:We don't want to come on here and make like everything's great, great, you know, we're joyful all the time, right, because we're not yeah, nobody is.
Speaker 2:Let's edit out the tears of life. It's like I've been in the wedding business my whole life and so when you get a videographer, their job, their job, is to edit the video. And what does that mean? They're not going to show Uncle Joe, who came in blue jeans to a black tie, okay, got too drunk, cursed out your mother. That's not going to be in the video. It should be Right. It would be fun to watch. Well, for us? For the mother? I don't think so. Who paid for the wedding? Right, this is true, but they're editors, yeah, but that's not real life. Like you have good times and you have bad times, and like you take a day of your wedding that's supposed to be a joyful day, start to finish, and we all know that's a lie. Right, that's a lie, right. You just have to edit it in your mind and you have to signal out well, these were the joyful points and these were, and in time, you'll kind of forget about those.
Speaker 1:And not to mention you're basically saying you know you could edit your life, right, but why would you want to? Because it's those hard times and those moments that really aren't that joyful, yeah, that they build character, they make you stronger and they make you, they make you able to speak to other people and help other people, yeah, who are going through the same thing. Yeah, so it's like, yeah, we're going to have great moments, we're going to have joyful moments and happy moments and fun moments and moments to remember, but we're also going to have those moments that are really hard, yeah, but you need them all and it's like you said, it's you know, you have to be able to embrace all of that, and that allows other people to come in, and it's kind of like a, it's almost like a pay it forward, right, some people come in and help you in your moment and you go and help somebody else in their moment, right.
Speaker 2:And even if you don't understand the topic that they are going through, that is an unjoyful time in their life you still need to be there for them. So let's say, somebody made like a ton of money or even won the lottery, whatever, where they worked really hard for it. Either way, they lose it all. They go bankrupt. They're in a real bad time in their life, regardless of how they got there. Their state right now is sadness and not joy. And so, even though we all have a tendency to be like, well, I mean, you should have invested it. You should. I mean, how would we know? We don't know really what they went through or if they didn't have any help in trying to what they were doing, to invest in whatever it is or they spent too much money and just blew it all, glue it all.
Speaker 2:When you see somebody in that unhappiness, the answer is not oh well, I told you so or you did it to yourself. The true meaning of helping a person and helping them to get back to a joyful level is to let them know that you're there, like Denise texting me every Friday at 10 o'clock Right Until I was okay. So sometimes that's all it takes. It's hey, I'm thinking of you. If there's anything that I can do, let me know.
Speaker 1:Right, that comes under the category of kindness and tenderheartedness. Right, I'm a huge advocate of kindness. Yeah, same, you know I am. Yeah, because that in a tough situation that alone can bring somebody help restore that joy. You know what I mean. Just know that somebody is there and cares for them.
Speaker 2:Well, I think even when somebody rejects your offer, so you text somebody, they're going through a hard time and their response is I'm fine, thanks, I don't know what you're talking about. Right, text again, anyway. I mean, texting is such a wonderful thing. I mean I don't like to text, I'd rather just get on the phone and talk to you, girl. But it's such a wonderful thing as far as that bridge to someone. Yeah, because sometimes people aren't ready for a phone call or a visit or something like that. So it's such a wonderful tool to reach out and just give a little spark. I'm here for you, I'm thinking about you. So, even when they reject that a couple of weeks later, send them another text and just let you know I'm thinking about you. Yeah, that's huge, I'm thinking about you.
Speaker 1:yeah, that's huge. Yeah, it is, that's huge. I'm a big fan of texting, even if you don't appreciate it at the time, right, I remember when I had I had some surgery in 2014 and just getting a text from somebody and you know saying, hey, I hope you're feeling better. It was huge, yeah, and especially because I may not have necessarily wanted to talk on the phone at that time. So just getting a text, simple one sentence, even Right, makes a difference.
Speaker 2:Right. Well, I've come around to it. I'm a big believer in communicating the way that someone wants to communicate with you. So when I talk about business to different people, I'm like when you get some kind of inquiry, don't demand that they communicate with you how you want to be communicated with. So, if they which drives me crazy but if somebody, if somebody sends me a message to Facebook and the only reason it drives me crazy is I don't want to lose their information, I don't either disregard it or say I'm not talking to you unless you email me, which is my preferred messaging. Same way, they text me, I text them back. They email me, I email them back. If they say they want to be on the phone, I'll be on the phone.
Speaker 2:So, however, you need to break into the comfort zone of whoever you're trying to connect with, to bring them a spark of joy. That's what you do, and I think it's important to say how can I help you, and let them tell you, Even if you have a sure, fine method, then that's brought you joy. I think when you say how can I help you, what do you need me to do? And if they reach back out and say, hey, I really need you to bring me some soup. I really need you to pray for me. You always seem happy. What do you do for that? You know, and it's almost like okay, let me break it in and then see what comes back, like a tennis tournament going back and forth it's a good rally and it's very important.
Speaker 1:It's very important to well.
Speaker 2:People need people yeah, and people need people to have joy yeah, what's that song?
Speaker 1:people who need people. She said it best, right, I know she's awesome, but yeah, it's true, and we all, we all. There's nobody. Here's the thing.
Speaker 2:If you're trying to be a lone ranger, it's not going to work yeah you're going to be miserable yeah, everybody needs somebody in their life, even when you're looking at them and they are rejecting. I don't want you as a friend or whatever. Did you see that movie Bridesmaids? I didn't. Oh gosh, you've got to watch that movie. But there's a scene in it and these this girl's best friends and she's the maid of honor of this wedding and it's really one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. So there's this other cousin who's a bridesmaid, and it's Melissa McCarthy, and it's the two friends kind of break up because they keep fighting because of this other girl and all this other kind of stuff. So Melissa McCarthy's always kind of left out. She's kind of like the loser friend, like you're aggravating, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so she shows up to the girl's house and she's all depressed, she's lost her job, the one who was the maid of honor, and she's laying on the couch with her and she says I don't have any friends. She goes what are you talking about? I'm right here. I want to be a friend to you, I want to be good to you, but you won't let me and you've got to watch it. It is so fun. It's just the way she's saying it, but it's so real Because there are people who, like you, have not thought of that have attempted to bring you joy over and over and over, but you keep not you personally but we keep rejecting them, like, okay, but that's not.
Speaker 2:There's this very peaceful, wonderful person I'm Facebook friends with and I did her daughter's wedding, I think in 2014. She's a fantastic person and joyful and peaceful and does her garden and just a lovely person and peaceful and does her garden and just a lovely person. And the first year after her daughter's wedding maybe even two she invited me to go to lunch and it was always too busy to go to lunch with this lady and every time I look at her I'm like, why didn't I go to lunch with her? Because she had been a really powerful, peaceful person in my life and she really tried to be my friend.
Speaker 2:But I guess, because I didn't have time or it wasn't business oriented or kid oriented or whatever, I didn't take that time to make that friendship and friendships take time. Friendships you have to put time into it for it to develop. So, yeah, so look around, you might find people in your life that are very peaceful and joyful and they've tried to be your friend. They've tried to be in your life and you've rejected them. Guess what? They're still there for you. You could still go to lunch with her, I could. I could still go to lunch with her, just saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that'd kind of be weird, it's 10 years later.
Speaker 2:I have time hey want to pick up lunch with Madeline and talk for 10 hours, and she probably would. She's awesome. Yeah, you know, and I have a lot of great people in my life too who bring me joy. But can you really ever have enough? No, there's always some kind of insight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely. I mean I get joy. I mean I go to the barn. I told you, you know, jeff and the dogs bring me lots of joy. I have friends who bring me joy. The barn, I mean, even though the barn is my job yeah, one of my jobs. Yeah, it's joyful man. Yeah, the horses bring me joy. I have great people that I work with. The volunteers bring me joy just being around them. You just got to do those things, man. If you're in a job or a situation that's bringing you down all the time, you really need to look at changing it. You do. Why would you want to spend your life miserable and joyless?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you need to look at every aspect of your life Definitely and you need to find, like, the key factor If you're in a relationship that continuously because we all have ups and downs in our relationship but continuously is causing you to be sad all the time, then you need to look for ways to get out of that. And it's the same thing with the job, even if that job carries a lot of prestige Definitely With it. One more story for you. But I told you I'm a lot happier than when I was 50. 50. And when I was 50, I was 49, I owned my own venue and I was very sad because it engulfed my whole life and my husband's life and my children's life, and none of my children wanted to take it over.
Speaker 2:And I remember we had this long road, river road and I was driving home on a Tuesday night and I was 49. I was about to turn 50 and I was just crying, I was sobbing and I just I was like I would rather be dead than spend one more day here, because it was so much pressure and so much stress that it was just. Everything was on me, from employees who needed to pay their rent to the grass being cut to. You're only as good as your last event and all this other stuff. It was a really difficult time in my life, but to own your own venue and to make the amount of money that I was making and to be providing for so many families was really difficult to say OK, now I don't want to do this anymore. So it took a few years I mean, it was not until 2018 that I finally sold it, but I tried for three years Like I didn't. I put it up for sale and then I take it right down. I mean it was like, uh, like a little turtle putting its head out. But now, when I look back on that, I think I knew in my heart when I was almost 50, like, this isn't for me.
Speaker 2:I was very successful in it and made a lot of money from it, but it also just brought me sadness, because the only thing that I did was work. Yeah, that's not good, no, and so I do work for somebody else now in the same field, but the pressure of owing a gigantic mortgage and all this other kind of stuff is is not there anymore. Yeah, so it's a lot different of a situation. So it's not that I didn't like really love my clients and my employees and stuff like that. But it was just something in me that it was like you, when you have that feeling like you can't stop that unjoyful feeling, like an unhappiness about a certain thing, and you know, I mean it's been months or years and you're like I can't shake it, then you need to shake it.
Speaker 1:Yeah definitely, yeah, you have. You have to move on from things that are bringing you down, making you unhappy and miserable, and I think, too, you know, people need to focus on I may have said this earlier in different words, I don't remember now because I'm old. You're hot, though, so I mean I should know it takes one to know one, right, right. But I think people need to focus on the good stuff in their life too, cause I think a lot of people they do. They'll focus on that bad stuff and you can't, man. You got to look at the blessings that you have, right? Because I think people have so many blessings and don't really realize the blessings that they have. I mean, if you sat down and took out a pen and a paper and started writing down all the things that you've been blessed with, it'd probably be a really long list.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it would be. You can write all that yeah, but when you still have that gigantic ball and chain over on the other side, it's like this is just it.
Speaker 1:You need to deal with that. You need to take those things out of your life. And even if it's, you know, oh, you have this great job and you're making tons of money, but you're miserable why would you? I realize people need money, but I don't make that much money. I really don't. But I wouldn't trade what I'm doing because it makes me joyful. Right, it really does. I enjoy what I do and that, to me, is more important than how much money I'm making. Yeah, I love making money. Oh, I do too. I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 2:It's a hobby for me.
Speaker 1:I would love to have lots of money, but I also want to do something that makes me joyful.
Speaker 2:But I also know it brings me joy, because when I make money then I I help other people with that, yeah, and so if there's also that factor with it, but sure, absolutely. You know I'd be lying if I said, okay, I don't like nice things, I do. Oh, I think we all do. Yeah, oh, no, I wasn't calling you a liar, but if you are, that's on you, girl, yeah, yeah. So I even knew a doctor. He did my epidural shots, I think around 2017.
Speaker 2:He said he had back pain for four and a half years, four and a half years living on ibuprofen every four hours because I did not have enough time in my day to go and have epidural shots done. So finally, my cousin was my assistant at the time. She's like you know what? I'm making you an appointment. So I go to this appointment super nice guy and start talking to him. My sister came with me and she was friends with him, and so we start talking and he said, well, yes, I'm going to do this and I can do you repeat one, but I'll be retiring in May.
Speaker 2:I said what do you mean? You're retiring? He was like our age, you know. And I said you're retiring this early, whatever, and he goes yeah, I don't, I don't want to be a doctor anymore. Wow, can you imagine? He says this doesn't bring me joy. Well, there you go, kudos to him. So I can't remember what he said he was going to go do, but it was literally like I'm moving to the country and going to open a country store. I mean, I'm not saying that's what it was, but it was equivalent to that Like wait, you're a doctor, my gosh. You're like way up there in the sky. So we need to support each other, even when it doesn't sound right to us. We need to support each other and be like it's okay. If that's how you feel, that's really okay, because you need to go and find joy and when you do, you'll be able to bring that to other people. Right?
Speaker 1:Well, talking about that. So, Jeff, and for those of y'all who didn't listen to the first episode which you should do, of course they did. I mean, who wouldn't, who wouldn't, I know, but just in case there's few that didn't so Jeff is my husband and before I knew him he was in corporate sales. Right, that's what he did. He was really good at his job, apparently Vice president of sales and just a million miles on Southwest and all these kind of things. I mean, he spent half his life on a plane making six figures, lots of money, lots of stuff. And then he got to a point where he was like you know what, I just don't want to do this anymore. And it's not really what he wanted to do to begin with, but it's kind of one of those things like you feel like you have to, yeah. So he went from that to going to truck driving school and became a truck driver.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, didn't know that he didn't do it for a long time, but he did it the time that he did do it. He did it the time that he did do it. He did it for like a year. He loved it and he would be happy, like he's always told me, I just want a tractor. I want a tractor to ride on. You know I'm like so we should get some land and buy a tractor. That's gonna make you happy. It's very simple. Yeah, you know, it's like those simple things. It's's like you don't. You don't have to be a president of a company or a vice president of a company. You can be a truck driver and be happy and joyful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and if you are happy being president of a company and that brings you joy, great Okay. That's awesome, but if it doesn't, it's really okay. It's really okay, it's really okay. You know you can do something else that and you might have to try out a few things.
Speaker 1:You might have to like try it and fail, and try it and fail and that's okay too, right, and if you're, if you're doing something for somebody else, you need to look at that. Yeah, because if you're miserable but you, oh I need to do this for this reason or for that reason, or for this person or that person, really I mean I get it, but do you really want to look back on your life and say I could have been doing this thing that I really wanted to do Right and that I really love, but I never did? Because you only have one life, you get one shot Right, and why would you want to waste it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, Each year, each day, each moment matters Most definitely, and time does not stop.
Speaker 1:And you matter, we matter, that's right, we all matter. And it's important to take the one life that you have and do the good stuff. Yeah, that's right, we all matter and it's important to take the one life that you have and do the good stuff.
Speaker 2:Yeah that's right. Do the good stuff for you too. So if your little internal voice is saying I want to be more joyful, then start thinking about what is causing you not to have joy first, right, write that down and you know what it is, and so, and you really have to take responsibility for it, even if your parents made you get a certain job and you really hate it, but you still are doing it and you still went to college for it. So you have to take responsibility and say yes, but I did choose it, even though it was like I felt forced into it. But now you need to be brave enough to say I need to find joy. Or you have a relationship because you married the right kind of person. Then go. And that's not the right person for you, then go find a person that is. And we're talking about if you're in a situation where both of y'all are unhappy, or abuse situation or something like that I'm not talking about. Okay, you don't bring me complete joy, I'm leaving None of us would have married.
Speaker 1:If that was the case Exactly, we wouldn't have any relationships at all. Good things, good things, yeah, yeah. It's really important. Just look at your life and take those unjoyful things out and think about. You know, not only so. Write the unjoyful things down, write the joyful things down.
Speaker 2:Write the things down that that you know bring you joy and move towards those things, yeah, and we all have things, by the way, that we have to do in life. I mean, we'd all love to just paint all day or be an artist or lay in the grass or whatever. We all want to do that, trust me, we got to do stuff we don't want to do too. But if it's miserable, then find a place where you are not miserable. Exactly, yep, my stomach is growling now. Yeah Well, I guess, because it's been hours trying to get this podcast up. Growling now. Yeah Well, I guess, because it's been hours trying to get this podcast up. We knew what we were doing. It might not happen. It might not happen, but this has been a good talk, I think. I think so. Yeah, yeah, I hope we've helped somebody, and if you have any questions or you have any topics that you would like us to talk about, send them over. We will put them in the bag, because we can't know what we're going to talk about. We don't want to prepare.
Speaker 1:Exactly, we don't want to prepare. That's what makes it fun. Yeah, and you can do that at two old number, two oldnolichicks at gmailcom, that's right, so we hope to hear from y'all soon.
Speaker 2:You will definitely be hearing from us soon, that's right.
Speaker 1:So go out and have a beautiful day. Yep, thank you for listening.