Off The Cuff - With 2oldNOLAchicks
We're Jill and Caroline. We tackle a new topic with every episode, and it's always... off the cuff! We never know until we begin recording what our topic will be, but with age comes wisdom, so we feel we have a lot to say! We hope you come along with us on this journey and we're confident you'll find us relatable!
Off The Cuff - With 2oldNOLAchicks
Off The Cuff - The Lifelong Dynamics of Friendship with 2oldNOLAchicks
Have you ever wondered how some friendships last a lifetime while others fade away? Explore the fascinating dynamics of friendships with us in this episode of "To All Know the Chicks." Caroline and Jill kick things off by sharing heartwarming personal stories about reconnecting with high school peers on social media and reflecting on how perceptions of popularity and friendships have evolved over the years. We dive deep into the impact of maintaining large friend groups versus cherishing a smaller circle of close friends, and how these relationships morph as we grow older. The importance of kindness, inclusivity, and teaching empathy from a young age is a central theme, especially when discussing the lingering effects of childhood bullying.
Jill opens up about her emotional journey dealing with unresolved conflicts from her past, shedding light on the importance of forgiveness and understanding. We also highlight the significance of non-exclusive educational settings in fostering genuine connections and empathy among children. The chapter on the dynamics of close friendships is filled with lighthearted anecdotes about balancing busy lives while nurturing meaningful relationships and recognizing when friendships are for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Join us as we emphasize the essence of friendship as a core part of our social being, and uncover how meaningful connections can spring from the most unexpected places, including online interactions.
Email us at 2oldnolachicks@gmail.com
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Hi, welcome to the show. I'm Carolyn and I'm Jill, and this is To All Know the Chicks and, as usual, this is Off the Cuff. This is a place where we know the topic when you know the chicks and, as usual, this is off the cuff. This is a place where we know the topic. When you know the topic, we pick out of a hat of different topics that caroline and I have come up with and, um, we just go from there. We honestly, it's been so long since we put these topics and we really have no idea. We literally have no idea, yeah, what we'll be talking about. So I am going to go ahead and pick. See what we got today.
Speaker 2:Uh, friends, oh that's a good one. It is a good one. Everybody needs friends, right, I guess? Maybe not, maybe not, maybe you don't need friends. Yeah, yeah, friends are. I feel like friends are a necessity. For me, anyway, friends are a necessity and I have a lot of friends, I think, but I only have a very few really close friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, same, yeah, same like in when we were in high school and that kind of thing. Like we had like a little friend group okay, but it was never the group that every once in a while, like one of them actually works at my child's school, so I see her all the time. And then one of them is my best friend who still does my hair. So you know we've remained friends. And then another one who actually went to a different school, actually went to the school you went to. We're still best friends, but we're not that like.
Speaker 1:I see groups of women who have been friends since high school, yeah, like big groups of women, and I'm like, how is, is it possible they'll have reunions, like on a yearly basis, like let's all get together. I'm like I don't want to talk to you, you don't know me, but I mean it's their group really. I mean they invite everybody, but really it's their group, right, they play tennis together and they do family vacations together. I'm like I see this on Facebook. I'm like, hold on, you're still friends, like I guess, because I feel like what you come from, really you grow from that and with my friends that are like the two that I have still from that time they're like best friends. They've grown into their own and I've grown into my own and we've all accepted each other for that Right Meaning. They've accepted me for the oddballness of all of the crazy things that I have done and they just kind of stand by my side and that's why I think they're superstars, right. But at the same time, you know, both of them have been through like divorces and children and this. So I've been there for them as well, right, those kind of things. But we've all kind of grown into our own.
Speaker 1:Where it appears and I could be wrong because I'm not in a big friend group, but it appears it's like okay, all of y'all have the same hobby and all of y'all's husbands kind of do the same thing and all of y'all live in the same neighborhood. No, thank you. Yeah. That's why, when you said we all need friends, like really, yeah, I guess what I mean by that is like I, I don't have to have a big friend group, yeah, oh, I don't either you're happy with just like a few, right, really good friends, right.
Speaker 2:But I know what you mean about the high school friends on Facebook. You know it's like and here's the funny thing, you know, when I was in high school, we had our own group as well. I wasn't like a popular kid, but I wasn't an unpopular kid. I was kind of there in the middle At least that's my perception. Maybe other people perceived it differently, but there were a lot of girls because our class was really pretty big. There were a lot of girls that I never spoke to in high school, right.
Speaker 2:But we're friends on facebook, right, and it's funny how, how things change right over time and, um, there's like we have, if you go to this girl's Facebook page, there's like 30 mutual friends and they're all from high school, right, like we're all friends on Facebook. But I think that's really cool because these people are getting to know them. I didn't get to know them at high school, but I get to know them now through Facebook and they're very cool and I've actually run into some of them in real life and it's like we're friends. You know, it's very, very cool to have those. You know those, those sort of I'll call them new relationships, for lack of a better word, but I just think it's interesting how, over time, how things change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, see again, you and I are different because I hold that grudge, girl. Okay, it's okay. I was just thinking about this Just yesterday I was putting my makeup on, so somewhere in the subconscious must have known we were going to be talking about this. So I was remembering, this time, my son's a real estate agent and I'm very proud of him. He's done very well and he went to somebody's wedding and they had this girl that you know was in the, I mean, super cool group. Okay, right, like prettiest girl in school, super cool. She would have never, like thrown a feather to me. I mean, it was, you know, non-existent. And so she told my son he goes.
Speaker 1:Oh, mom, I met one of your friends from high school. Oh, who is it? She asked me the girl's name. I'm like she's not my friend. She's not my friend, no, there's, no, no. She said you know, y'all went to dances. I said she was the prom queen.
Speaker 1:Okay, you can't align yourself. I'm not saying I'm anybody, but the real thing was, was, and these things that you have to teach like your daughters or your nieces or anybody growing up like you always say like that, that kindness that you have to teach like your daughters or your nieces or anybody growing up, like you always say, like that kindness, that you just the unkindness you just remember forever, right, so I can't be friends with her ever. Because when we were in theater class together, I mentioned to you before I was about 100 pounds overweight when I was in high school, mentioned to you before I was about a hundred pounds overweight when I was in high school and I remember cause I wore a size 22 pants, cause I'm kind of short, so and I had these jeans and I was very proud because I had found a pair of jeans to fit me at Sears. And so it was hard to find because, like all of us who were overweight, like in the, we'd all wait for Sears to get it. You know, some men they only got like two 20, 22. So I'm going to run up there and get it, and so I was really proud of it because that day we had to like bring costumes and it was like we had some kind of like farm skit or something like that, and so I had folded up my pants and my little top because we hadn't changed yet.
Speaker 1:And for some, and I had folded up my pants and my little top because we hadn't changed yet and for some, and I had walked away, my friends and I were doing something else and so all of a sudden I hear whose fat ass pants are these? Oh no, and they're holding up the pants. Oh my gosh. And at that moment I said those are mine, the tears in my eyes, of course. Oh, it's, it's fine. So, babe, don't talk to my son. Okay, you're not my son. Yeah, I know I sound like so unforgiving, but there was never a time that she said she was sorry.
Speaker 1:If she had come over to me and said oh, michelle, that was just terrible. I saw her in church for years, years up here at St Philip. She sat two rows ahead of me. I was so happy to see that she had an overweight daughter because I thought, wow, I hope nobody changes your child, because maybe you will see how that feels when your child is not perfect. I'm not saying she deserved that, I'm not saying her child deserved that, I'm just saying it's kind of ironic that you sat two rows ahead of me in church, never turned around, never said a word, knew it was me, even though I tried to catch your eye a couple of times. And then you're going to sit there at a wedding and tell my cute, very successful son that you're friends with me. Wow, yeah, so, yeah, I can see where you're coming from there. Yeah, yeah, you see that rage and anger I was talking about. Thank you, thanks again, caroline, for bringing that out. Oh, yeah, okay, I've got my friend Terry. She was there and so I'm sure like she probably sliced their tires or something and she found out. But she's not afraid.
Speaker 1:I was actually very shy then, yeah, and so I was always like I'm not going to say anything, because it wasn't even just my weight, it was just I was very, very shy and very sit to the back and try not to be noticed, kind of thing. Yeah, and so it was just brutal. Yeah, so now when people do that, I just block them. You don't get a second chance with me. Yeah, I block them from my life. It's it okay, you're gonna say something needs me block. We were talking earlier.
Speaker 2:We're talking about everything weird.
Speaker 1:I know we're talking about that earlier, that I'm just like. I don't delete your comment. Okay, you're blocked, you're forever. Don't talk about, don't say something mean to me because you, you're gone in my life see, that's the difference, like with with the, my high school friends on facebook.
Speaker 2:We never spoke like we, just there were people that I just well, that was the only interaction I ever had with her.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's terrible, that's horrible. Yeah, that's the only interaction ever. Oh, my gosh friends of her. I wonder if she even remembered, like if that ever comes to her mind, I think sometimes when, when it's a constant kind of thing, and she was in a very mean group. I think that you don't remember, because there were so many things that you said.
Speaker 2:She made that up.
Speaker 1:I'm sure if I brought that up to her she'd be like that didn't happen. I'm like, yeah, you have something like that etched in your mind and all I ever wanted to do really was fit in Right. Oh sure, everybody was like that, but I'm so happy that I didn't, because I am not like that kind of taught me. Like I said, I see these whole friends group. They live in the same neighborhood and go to the same church and all their kids go to the same school and they all play tennis together. I'm like I'm not a clone, right. I am a multi-faceted person and because I was left out, I had to find my own way, which is why I'm like I am today. I'm very proud of myself well, you're an awesome person.
Speaker 1:I try, you are, I try, but I just you know those deep-seated things that just. I've also taught all of my kids to just be very kind and not make fun of others and kind of. My kids have also gone to schools where they are either in public school or private schools that are multicultural and multi-academic level. So, like, the high school that most of my kids went to is now closed, but it was not only the highest academically, it was also considered the lowest, if you want to call it that way, because we had the largest special education program and literally children would be strapped to wheelchairs. Yeah, drooling Well, the children at the high school, the teens at the high school, they were so used to it that if they saw it in the mall they weren't like off to the side laughing and giggling. It's like, no, this is people. This is how it was so used to that. This is how it was so used to that school that my daughter still goes to, which is a private school, but they also have a learning center on campus that helps a lot of children with learning disabilities. It's the same thing. They get used to different levels of people and different friendships with those people, people and different friendships with those people. So to me that's so much better balanced than I want to send my child.
Speaker 1:Sorry, new Orleans people, I don't agree with the all-girl and all-boy Catholic schools. I just don't. I just don't. And academically you have to be on this level. And then to brag and say, okay, okay, we have the highest achieving levels to go to college. Well, of course you do.
Speaker 1:Could you pick out your kids? You pick them out Like you get the best of cream of the crop. You don't let anybody else in, so of course you're going to have the best grades. What is that to brag about? Yeah, you know what I'm saying. That's like saying, okay, well, I'm going to put this high school sprinter that's been training for 10 years against this eighth grader who's never won in his life, and let's see, oh, he's the winner. Give him the big trophy. I mean please. Yeah, you know, I just want my children to be around all types of friends and learn that. Learn how to get along with people who have, who are different colors than you are, who are different abilities than you are, and have everyone as friends, not just the chosen right I totally see what you're saying.
Speaker 2:I did though I did love my time at the old girls. I knew you did. I really did, yeah, and you're right, that's like really a very war words thing.
Speaker 1:It is a war words thing, yeah, and and you know they again all stay friends together and stuff like that. I just feel like and I'm not saying that's not their mission here on earth but I just wonder have you questioned is this it? Is this really what you're supposed to do, just what everybody else does? Yeah, when you put here on earth to do something else, even if it means less friends and less notoriety or whatever.
Speaker 2:Right, right, that's one of the things I love about the board. There are so many different types of people. I mean, our volunteers are all different age, I mean from teenagers to to. We have people up in their 80s who come out and volunteer, and it just all people from all different walks of life and I love that. I love it, you know, there's such a variety and that I get to interact with all. They all have their, their strengths and their abilities, you know, yeah, and it's just very cool.
Speaker 1:I just think that people really, really miss out when they don't expose themselves and their children to all different types of people. They really miss out. Their true joy is an opportunity for those kind of friendships. They're missing it and they a lot of friendships. They're missing it and they, a lot of times, don't even realize it.
Speaker 1:And so I wonder if I would sit down with each one of those people who it would seem like you'd want to be friends with, if, after speaking to them, would you really want to be friends with them. Because I've had situations in my life where then in different Mardi Mardi Gras crews and social groups and that kind of thing, and you know, I've gotten to know some people and that maybe are politicians or high up in society or extremely wealthy and like they're kind of shallow, you know they're're just I don't know. And then I've got some really terrific people too that it's just like wow, you shake their hand, boy, you feel that energy of rage. You know it's like wow, I want to be next to you, right, exactly exactly, and a lot of times too.
Speaker 2:You know you, you can have an idea of how somebody will be or a group of people will be, but when you get to know that person, they're completely different than what your stereotype, right, your brain, was, you know like. A great example is one of the lady that comes to the board. She's a trainer. She was a a grand prix level dressage ride okay, which is the highest you can get. She was one of the best in europe, and as a kid I wrote english, I took lessons and my parents always wanted me to show and I never wanted to do that because I was so intimidated by the show girls at the barn, you know.
Speaker 2:They had all the the clothes and the equipment and they all had their horses and stuff. I was so intimidated by the showgirls at the barn, you know. They had all of the clothes and the equipment and they all had their horses and stuff, and I didn't have any of that. I just didn't. And I had this idea about all of them that they were better than me. They knew they were better than me, you know, and they probably didn't like me.
Speaker 2:Maybe that wasn't true, but that's what my head said, right and fast forward to now. I get to be around a lot of really cool people who ride, like this lady, and she is one of the coolest people One of our instructors same thing Coolest people, yeah, one of our instructors same thing, and showed for a long time in Europe, and just one of the coolest people I know. Yeah, and that would have never changed for me had I not expanded my horizons. Right, you know what I mean, right, yeah, but I think, yeah, you have to get to know people in order to know. Hey, am I, you know? Am I going to work with this person? Is this person going to be a friend of mine, as opposed to? Well, I have an idea in my head about people who, who, show the horses, so I'm not going to deal with that you see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I mean, I think it's different as adults. But, like I said, like the girl I was talking about, you know, it's like it wasn't, like it just happened in high school. When we were seniors in high school, it was years of pretending like you don't know me. Yeah, yeah, as adults, and we had kids.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's messed up, so I don't even think about it. I think it's a joke. No-transcript, I'm not perfect, but I really do know who my friends are and who will show up for me. Right, I really do.
Speaker 1:I have this joke with one of my friends, beth, and she'll call me and pick up the phone and tell her, hey, can I call you right back. And she says, sure, it'll be Tuesday and on Thursday I'll call her and I'll say, hey, I'm calling you right back. She goes you know, I got your girl. I know you're busy. She knows, yeah, she knows it's never like on purpose, like. She knows that I have a million things going on. I run two venues, seven kids. It's just when I talk to somebody I want to be present. I don't want to just sit there and be like yes, no, and I'm not even paying attention to them. Right, I want to be there and be the friend that she deserves on that phone call. Instead of let me hurry up and get you off the phone because I'm too busy to talk to you. Right, I think you need to take the time and be there, because she's always there for me.
Speaker 2:My best friend is like that too. Well, the voice teacher, yeah, and if you look at the two of us together, nobody would ever think those two are friends. We're just completely opposite if you look at us. But she is just one of the best people I know and I would have never thought we would be friends. I started taking voice lessons with her a long time ago now and, um, we just clicked. If I had just seen her out and about somewhere, I would have never guessed, yeah, we would be the friends that we are today. I mean, you just never know, you never know who you're gonna click with, right and um, but it's the same thing.
Speaker 2:Like we, we try to get together every week at for like an hour just to catch up that kind of thing, and a lot of times we'll go weeks, yeah, without being able to do that. Right, it's all good, right it's. You know, there's like no problem there. Like she called me last night just because we hadn't seen each other in, I don't know, a few weeks, yeah, and she was. Hey, you just wanted to call and check in, you know, yeah, but friends are like friends, good friends, like that, and like you're talking about with your best friends. You know, I feel like they're, they're vital. Well, we're social beings. Yeah, we need that we do.
Speaker 1:We do need that. And you know, I've made mistakes in my life and invested a lot of time in different people who I thought were my friend and then realized because I'm in business and I remember selling one of my businesses and thinking that the vendors that I dealt with because I would invite them to my kids' weddings and stuff, and thinking these are my friends, and I remember they just all dropped me. It's like, oh my gosh, they weren't my friends at all. Yeah, I was stupid, but I won't make that mistake again. Like I'm always friendly to everyone, but I I don't. Like I I have put up a wall to that. Like I have to protect myself because I was so upset about it.
Speaker 1:And then you know it's just a good, a good lesson. Yeah, that sometimes friends from Beth taught me that you know you have friends for a reason and that was them. They were friends with me for a reason and friends for a season and you have friends for a lifetime. Yeah, that's very true. And sometimes friends are just for a season and then it's like you have to accept that, not that the friendship's over, you always kind of be like friends, but if the season is over and no big blowout or anything. But everybody's not good for each other, right? So sometimes you just have to move on from that because you know that it's just not not not a good situation, but it's not going anywhere, like your time needs to be involved in something else, right?
Speaker 1:I think that happens a lot with friends that let's say you're in some kind of friend group and people get married one by one and let's say that the friend who is not married to a couple of friends who are not married getting more and more upset like you're leaving us but you're not leaving them. You're just in a different season of your life, so the friendship has to change, right? So I did go through that with a few of my friends where it was like, okay, our season of just, you know two giddy girls sitting around, you know, every Saturday night or you know whenever, friday, that can't be anymore because somebody else has to be involved, and so we all had to shift into that, and I think that's important to know when to shift. Sure, absolutely.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. The interesting thing too is it's funny because you can meet friends anywhere, whether it's in person, facebook, whatever, right, when you were talking about that, it just popped into my head. I have a friend she lives up in. She's from Massachusetts. She moved not too long ago to New Hampshire. This is funny. I met her. Let's tell you how long ago it was. I met her in an AOL chat room. Oh, wow, yeah, aol chat room.
Speaker 2:It's been over 20 years that we've been friends. I've never met her in person, but we have talked on the phone so many times. We're like like she's one of my closest friends. I can probably talk to her about anything. Yeah, but I've never seen her. I've seen pictures of her, yeah, but I would never have thought that could be until recently. And when I say recently, in the last 25 years or so, with computers and internet and social media, all that stuff, I've met people on Facebook that I would love to meet in person. They've just become really good friends. So you can have friends that aren't necessarily people that you see in person, right? I agree?
Speaker 1:I agree, people that can have a big impact on your life that you never meet right, social media and just all the communication options that we have today really opened up the whole lane of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and although I agree with you that is good for friendships, I also think personal interaction is important too, definitely, or more important actually. I think you can have those kind of relationships, but you still need and the only reason why I speak to that is just because there's like children who love, like still, video games and that's where their friends are and their friends might be in Germany, you know, playing video games with them and it's great that they have that friend. But they also need social interaction in person right too, and that's important to me to emphasize to to our kids. Or even, you know, a lot of people's husbands are into that mine isn't, but known different friends and stuff. They're like my husband's just always playing these games with all these friends and stuff and like well, maybe you need to restrict them on that, like a kid, you know. Yeah, because you have to have that in-person social interaction as well, definitely, and you know what's really important talking about social interaction, is hugs.
Speaker 2:yeah, hugs are like super important, yeah, for people. Yeah, I know, during the whole covid thing with this social distancing stuff, right, it really bugged me, man, because people need hugs, right, and nobody was doing that Well.
Speaker 1:I think they said they had record levels of depression during that time yeah absolutely because people weren't having that interaction like I'm just talking about, yeah, but we were all seeing each other online, right, right, big difference. There's a big difference. Yeah, that's why people were having depression. They weren't getting up, they weren't going to work. Look, I'm all for the stay in your house and work. I get it, especially if you have children and you want something online that you can do from home so you don't have to spend on daycare and all. I totally get it and understand it.
Speaker 1:But I think the aspect of getting up every day, getting dressed and going somewhere is also just very important. You make friends that way. You have social obligations, you have work obligations, luncheons, different things like that and you have, of course, work most of all. So, even if you work from home home, if you just do two days a week like in the office or something like that, you think that can benefit you more than your company even. Yeah, just having always in a room in your house without leaving them, never having to just put you on and walk out the door and get in your car and drive back, I just I think all of that's important, but I think that's important for friendships as well absolutely, I know.
Speaker 2:You know, like right now I told you I'm on the back end of a call. For the last three days I've been laying around on the sofa watching tv. I couldn't wait to come out to work today. Yeah, just to get out and be around people and the outside, and it's really, it is very important yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:And again, like I said, we're talking about friendships on this podcast, so I think it's important even for not only friendships, to make friendships but promotions. How does the big boss know what you're doing if he never sees you? This is true, and a lot of how we move up in growth, in our jobs or anywhere, is our personality. Yeah, sometimes more important than even your job is that you are your demeanor, how you handle things. That's what gets you promoted in your job. We can't do anything just on our own, by ourselves, right In a dark room in our house. It just doesn't work like that Exactly.
Speaker 2:I know my job, the job that I have working in my dad's company. Most of the time I'm just out doing my thing by myself. I mean, I interact with customers, but I'm just out doing my thing, and which is great and there are definitely pros to that. When I started to work at the born, I was suddenly part of a team, I mean in the staff team, yeah and that was like I still love it. I love it Cause for so so many years I didn't have that so much and it's um, it's just great to be part of that and be just involved with other people and making decisions and doing things and laughing and but you had to open that door.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're listening, today in your life I don't have any friends. I don't know how to make friends. You know you have to open some doors. Sometimes you got to get out of your comfort zone, you do, you do, and it is uncomfortable, it is To just, you know, go to something, go to some type of event maybe you were cautious about. Or last year, joey and I went to a Saints game One of the event rental companies that I deal with. They were like, oh, we have a box and we want you and Joey to come. And so I was like, okay, sorry y'all, I don't really watch football. But I was like, no, let's go. And then it wound up that the two girls that I'm usually just have phone call interaction with they've really become friends and we've gone out to dinner a couple of times and it turned out to be and I put my guard up. I know they're just business friends, I'm not mistaking that again, but still, it's still pleasant and laughter comes from it. Yeah, Absolutely.
Speaker 2:You never know. You never know where you're going to meet a friend. Yeah, that's like you and I. For the people who are listening to this, we are the friends. They didn't know they had Right Exactly, or weren't it Right? But here you have us, right, here we are. Here we are.
Speaker 1:We're not old wisdom, it comes with age, but we're your friends, yeah, so yeah, you know here to help and in that, if you ever want to reach out, we have an email. If you ever want to send us an email, which is Caroline, I always forget the number two oldnolachicks at gmailcom. Yeah so we hope to hear from you soon, and we're also on Facebook.
Speaker 2:Facebook Off the Cuff with Two Old Nolichicks and Instagram Off the Cuff with Two Old Nolichicks.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so. If you have just started your week, have a great week, and if you're ending your week listening to this, then have a great weekend.
Speaker 2:Exactly, go out there and make some friends. All right, have a wonderful day Bye-bye.